


Breathe

by DeepDarkFandom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Crying Dean, Dean thinks Cas is dead, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Happy Ending, He's not, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 04:17:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7998253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepDarkFandom/pseuds/DeepDarkFandom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean thinks Cas is dead. He isn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Written for destieldrabblesdaily's 30k Fanfic Contest Promo! Congratulations to the 5 winners :D
> 
> Check out my tumblr @deepdarkfandom
> 
> I promise there is a happy ending after the angst

He could only hear a high pitched ringing. He could only see grey orange dust that refused to settle. Cas. He could only think about Cas. He screamed for him. He couldn’t hear his own voice, but he screamed.

Eventually his voice gave out and he realised he was on his knees, doubled over, his ragged breathing the only sound in the still air. He also noticed that he was shivering uncontrollably. These observations were quickly overtaken by the overwhelming thought repeated over and over in his mind;  _ he’s dead. _ There was no way anyone could survive having a building dumped on top of them.

_ He’s dead he’s dead he’s dead. _

The only time he had felt remotely like this was when Sam had died at Cold Oak. Sam jumping into the Cage had been different, Sammy had done what he meant to do; despite his grief, Dean was so proud of his little brother. But at Cold Oak, it had been meaningless, pointless. Why should Sammy have had to die for letting his eventual murderer live? Why did Cas have to die? It made no sense.

He decided Cold Oak didn’t compare to now anyway. At Cold Oak he had shut down, on the outside at least, pushing Bobby away and setting out to save Sam with cold determination. Now, he couldn’t have pushed his emotions down if he tried. His body was physically reacting to his grief and he couldn’t stop it. It hurt more than any physical injury he’d gotten in a lifetime of being a hunter. He couldn’t  _ breathe. _ In that moment, he was sure he would never be able to inhale properly again. Something in him was permanently damaged the moment that building collapsed.

He looked at the gravel in front of his face. He could see the separate fragments of concrete in perfect clarity: grey, pale orange, brown. He concentrated on them. The alternative was focussing on the crippling pain in his chest. It hurt so much. He fought the urge to punch himself in the stomach as hard as he could; it was a method he had used before, distracting himself from inside pain by creating physical pain.

Weird. The tiny pebbles were getting dark and shiny. Oh. It was because of the water dripping from his face. His eyes felt unbearably hot and full, but he couldn’t bring himself to move an inch. Soon there was a small puddle below his chin.

He couldn’t stop himself  _ thinking, _ no matter how much he wanted to. What would he do without Cas? He tried to imagine waking up and rolling over, only to find the other side of the bed cold in the absence of a warm body. He tried to imagine watching TV without someone to put his arm around and lean into. Tried to imagine driving Baby without having to argue about who’s turn it was to sit in the back, now that there were three permanent passengers. Sam used to be enough, but then Cas had burst into his life and he didn’t think he could live without him. Everything was just … brighter with Cas around. He didn’t know how to describe it. There was just  _ more. _ The world was full and he couldn’t get enough of it. He barely even remembered when he had just been existing, drinking away the world every night.

He wanted to scream again but his numb lips wouldn’t move. He was vaguely aware of a low moaning. He gradually noticed that it was coming out of him, but he couldn’t stop.

A crunch of gravel broke through the whine in his ears. He barely caring enough to look, but he still glanced up between his tear encumbered eyelashes. And everything stopped. Because there was Cas. Climbing out of the rubble. Bloody but alive. Breathing. All the air left Dean’s lungs at once. For a second there was a vacuum. Then, inexplicably, he could breathe properly. His heart was juddering in his rib cage. Numbly he got to his feet and staggered towards Cas. Cas looked at him with wide eyes. His eyes. God, they were  _ open. _ Dean crashing into him and wrapped his arms around him. He clutching his trenchcoat, needing to feel Cas breathing. He felt the warmth, the movement of his chest. Cas was  _ breathing. _ And if Cas was, so could he. He closed his eyes and wrapped himself tighter around him, until they were basically entwined.

A strained voice broke through his numb mind, “Dean, if you squeeze harder I believe you will break my ribs.” He let go and just … looked at Cas, whose cheeks were flushed and eyes bright. Dean gently cupped his hands around Cas’ face and kissed his forehead, so softly that his lips barely brushed the dust covered skin.

“Do me a favour, Cas,” Dean mumbled. “Never run into a collapsing building again.”

“Of course Dean.” Cas tilted his head. It was such a  _ Cas _ thing to do that Dean almost lost it, again, right in front of Cas. But then Cas was pulling him in for a more forceful kiss. Their lips collided, and Dean could breathe.

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you thought of it :)


End file.
